


the tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks

by this_wayward_life



Series: Kinktober 2020 [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Break Up, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Frottage, Gay Bucky Barnes, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Insecure Bucky Barnes, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Regret, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_wayward_life/pseuds/this_wayward_life
Summary: It's hard not to get lost in Steve, Bucky realises as he starts moving, bouncing on Steve's cock with a frantic intensity and the knowledge that this is probably the only time they could have this. Steve holds him just as tightly, the same thought written all over his face as he holds Bucky and kisses words into his skin, and Bucky wants to drown in him. God, he wants to stay like this for eternity, just the two of them wrapped around each other so tightly it's hard to tell where Steve ends and Bucky begins--Day 17 - Begging
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Male Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Kinktober 2020 [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951222
Comments: 14
Kudos: 143





	the tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks

**Author's Note:**

> This probably isn't what they meant when they said _begging_ lmao

It's not common for both Bucky and Steve to have a night off. Steve's job at Stark Industries and Bucky's job at their friend Natasha's bakery keep them both relatively busy, and if Bucky has a night off he usually calls up Jake and they go out to dinner, more often than not going back to Jake's place for the night. But tonight when Bucky had texted, Jake had replied that he was busy and wouldn't be home until at least ten, so Steve had taken the afternoon off so they could hang out.

Bucky does feel a bit guilty about it. Since he and Jake started dating eight months ago, he and Steve hadn't seen each other as often. Sure, they saw each other every morning and every night - they lived together in a two-bedroom apartment, of course they saw each other - but it wasn't the same as sitting down together and talking. It doesn't help that Steve and Jake seem to detest each other, and Bucky can never get them in the same room without at least a bit of posturing. 

So it's nice, being curled up on the couch with Steve, an empty pizza box in front of them and the TV playing some comedy that Bucky isn't paying attention to, both of them pleasantly tipsy on homemade margaritas. Sometime through the movie, Bucky finds himself tucked under Steve's arm, resting his head on Steve's chest, and he has to swallow back the wave of want that always comes over him when he's close to Steve. Steve, his _straight_ best friend.

"Is Jake out tonight?" Steve asks about an hour in. Bucky frowns and looks up, but Steve's got his eyes firmly fixed on the television.

"I dunno. He said he was busy until late," Bucky replies warily. "Bit of a relief, to be honest."

He doesn't know why he adds that last bit, but it's enough to get Steve's attention. His gaze snaps towards Bucky, and Bucky flushes at the intensity of that stare. 

"You two having problems?" Steve asks carefully, and Bucky shrugs.

"I guess? We've been together exclusively for a while now, and I..." Bucky trails off, then shakes his head slightly. It wouldn't do any good to tell Steve about the doubts he has, about how he's trying to find more and more excuses to work late, and how Jake's going out more and more with colleagues. About how Bucky doesn't really care. 

"I wanted to spend time with you," Bucky says instead of voicing all the thoughts bouncing around in his head. Steve beams, and cuddles Bucky closer, making Bucky chuckle. Steve's always a bit less in control after a few drinks, and the margaritas they'd had have made Steve more than a little overly affectionate. Not that Bucky's complaining.

"Good," Steve says happily, smacking a kiss to the top of Bucky's head. "I'm better than Jake, anyway."

A laugh bubbles out of Bucky's chest at that, and Steve looks more than a little smug. "You sure are, punk."

Steve gives a cute little wriggle at that, and god, Bucky's so in love with him it hurts. He turns back to the television, trying to focus, but it's so hard with Steve pressed against the side of his body, his arm a comforting weight over Bucky's shoulders and his fingers tracing patterns over Bucky's exposed collarbone. Bucky lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes, giving up on watching the movie and instead listening to the beat of Steve's heart under his head.

"Why do you stay with him?" Steve asks suddenly ten minutes later. Bucky's half asleep, and Steve's words don't really register for a couple of seconds.

"Hmm?" he mumbles sleepily.

"Why do you stay with Jake?" Steve repeats.

Bucky thinks about that for a couple of seconds. Sure, Jake's hot - he's tall, with dark hair and sparkling eyes and a great dick, and he's funny and smart and gives great hugs. He always kisses Bucky when he sees him and holds his hand when they walk down the street, and he has their anniversaries marked out in permanent ink on the calendar that hangs in his kitchen. Jake is easy and fun and a guarantee, but...

"He's kind," Bucky finally replies. "He's sweet. He loves me."

"Do you love him?" Steve asks softly, and the answer's so obvious that Bucky feels guilt lie heavy in his chest.

"I don't know," he says quietly. 

"Then why?" Steve asks again, and he sounds desperate. Bucky wriggles out from under Steve's arm to sit up, crossing his legs and facing Steve on the couch. The only light in the apartment's coming from the television, and it lights up Steve's face, his alcohol-flushed cheeks and wide blue eyes and bitten lips.

"It's easier," Bucky whispers, looking down, away from Steve's face. Maybe it's the alcohol loosening his self-control, maybe it's the pleading look on Steve's face, it could even be that Bucky hasn't been to therapy in a while and needs to do something to stop the constant conflict inside him, but he leans in and softly kisses Steve, right on the lips. It's not a long kiss, and almost as soon as Bucky's pressed their lips together he's pulling away, his face hot and a rolling ball of fear in his gut.

The only sounds in the room are from the television, somehow still playing. Bucky can't bring himself to look up, to see Steve's face, to see the awkward grimace or pitying frown. Before Bucky can open his mouth to apologize, to blame it on the alcohol, Steve's grabbed him around the waist and hauled him in, making Bucky straddle his lap and pressing their bodies together. Bucky gasps at the sudden movement and grabs Steve's shoulders for balance, finally looking at his face. Steve's eyes are wild, his cheeks redder than before and his breath coming fast. Then Bucky's being reeled into another kiss, this one hotter, deeper, and he surrenders to it, letting Steve grope his waist and slide his tongue deep into Bucky's mouth. As quickly as it started Steve's pulling away to press scorching kisses into Bucky's neck, and the scratch of stubble against the sensitive skin makes Bucky gasp and grip Steve's head in his hands.

"I never thought I had a chance," Steve mumbles, rubbing his cheek against Bucky's neck before licking a long stripe down to his collar. "Damnit, Buck, I've spent... I've spent _years_ watchin' you, seeing all the guys you bring home, but you'd never dated any of 'em for more than a few weeks. God, when you kept seeing that asshole..." 

Steve trails off and pulls Bucky again, licking into his mouth with a single-minded intensity. Bucky clutches at him desperately, unable to bring himself to pull away, to stop Steve's searing kisses from sinking into his skin. It's only when Steve grinds up against him that Bucky's pulling away, gasping for breath and hard in his pants.

"Stevie, Stevie wait," he pants, but he can't stop his hips from bucking up, and the stimulation makes him moan. Steve growls in response, leaning down to suck on Bucky's neck. One of Steve's hands runs down Bucky's back to grip his ass, and Bucky whimpers. "We can't, Stevie, you know that."

"Why not?" Steve asks, and when he looks up Bucky sees tears shining in his eyes. "Fuck, Bucky, I've loved you since we were kids, and I know you gotta feel something, too." Bucky clutches as Steve's shirt tighter, feeling the burn in his own eyes. 

"I can't," he whispers. "Not tonight. Not now. I... Fuck, I owe it to Jake, I can't just..." Steve grinds up against Bucky's cock, and his voice trails off into a moan. "Oh god, _Steve_..."

"God, the sight of him with you gets me so angry," Steve whispers against Bucky's skin, his hands sliding Bucky's shirt up inch by inch. "The way he touches you, the way he looks at you... God, every time he kisses you I want to kill him, but I can't do a damn thing. You were his, fuck, you were always his."

"No," Bucky whispers, sliding his hands around Steve's neck. "My heart's always belonged to you."

Steve whines, high and deep in his throat, and Bucky can't stop himself from leaning down to kiss him. Steve tastes of the margaritas they'd had, alcohol and lime and salt, and they shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be kissing when they're drunk and emotional and Bucky has a date in the morning with his boyfriend, but Bucky's selfish and he can't tear himself away. Steve's palms slide his shirt up further, and Bucky has to unwrap his arms from Steve's neck to get the shirt off, and then Steve's hands are on his body, big and calloused and warm against Bucky's bare skin. His thumbs rub against Bucky's nipples, and Bucky arches into the touch with a soft moan, the movement pushing their cocks together. Steve starts kissing down his neck again, and Bucky has to pull away and whisper, "No bruises." Steve kisses him again, and Bucky can feel Steve's tears on his skin.

"Please," Steve murmurs against his skin. "Please, let me have you. Just for tonight. You can go back to him tomorrow, you can move out, you can do whatever you want. Just, please, let me have tonight."

Bucky sobs quietly, wrapping Steve up in his arms as Steve keeps pressing soft kisses to the skin of his chest, his hands rubbing against Bucky's already swollen nipples. Instead of answering Bucky leans to the left, rifling around under the cushions until he finds what he's looking for. The last time Jake had been over when Steve was out, they hadn't made it to the bedroom, and Bucky had been frantically pounded into the cushions, Jake kissing his shoulders and whispering in his ear. Steve's face turns devastated when he sees the lube, as if he knows what happened, but Bucky just stands, kicks off his sweatpants, and gets right back into Steve's lap, kissing him again desperately.

"Don't think about it," Bucky begs, and presses the lube into Steve's hand. "Please."

Steve puts the lube down, and for a second Bucky thinks he's going to call the whole thing off, but instead, Steve yanks his shirt over his head and wraps Bucky back up in his arms, their mouths connecting in a clash of teeth and tongues. Bucky clings to him, his hands moving over Steve's naked chest. He's so big, so hard against Bucky's body, and when Bucky feels one of those thick fingers against his hole, wet with lube, he sobs and grinds back against it, moaning when it slips inside. He wrestles with the drawstring of Steve's pants until Steve lifts off the couch enough that Bucky can slide his underwear and pants down, and Steve kicks them off until they're both fully naked. Steve's cock is thick and hard, precome beading at the top, and Bucky swipes his finger through it and brings it to his mouth, sucking his finger clean. Steve groans, loud, and grinds up against Bucky's taint, making Bucky whimper and latch onto Steve's neck, sucking a bruise into the skin.

"Bucky, fuck," Steve whispers, and the press of another finger joins the first inside Bucky's body. "God, you're so perfect, baby. Open up so well for me." His fingers crook and brush Bucky's prostate, and Bucky buries his face in Steve's neck with a wail, his cock jerking and dribbling more precome onto Steve's stomach. 

"That's it, sweetheart," Steve murmurs, and lifts Bucky's face for another kiss. Bucky grinds back, riding Steve's fingers as he gets kissed within an inch of his life. God, it feels so good - Steve's body under his, Steve's fingers inside him, Steve kissing him with as much tenderness and love as he can, and Bucky's awful, he's an awful person to do this to Steve. In the morning he's going to go back to his picture-perfect boyfriend and pretend that the soreness in his ass is from his own fingers, that the ache in his chest whenever he looks at Steve hasn't doubled in intensity. He's going to break Steve heart - if he hasn't already.

"I love you," Bucky gasps out as Steve slides a third finger into his body. Steve makes a punched-out sound, and it's probably the alcohol still running through Bucky's veins that makes him continue. "God, I only dated because I thought I wouldn't have a chance with you, thought you were straight, thought maybe other guys would help me get over you. It never worked, Stevie, it never fucking worked."

"Baby," Steve says, and his voice breaks. Bucky bites down on his shoulder and grips Steve's cock in his hand, and Steve shouts, thrusting his fingers harder into Bucky's body. 

"Want you, Stevie," Bucky says, reaching up to cup Steve's face with shaking hands. "Wanna ride you, right here. Wanna feel you inside me, filling me up."

Steve rests their foreheads together and breathes out shakily, before he slides his fingers out of Bucky's hole and begins slicking up his cock. They don't have a condom, but Bucky doesn't care - he wants no barriers between them except for the ones they built themselves. When Steve lines himself up at Bucky's entrance, Bucky grips Steve's face tighter and kisses him, sliding down onto his cock. 

It's hard not to get lost in Steve, Bucky realises as he starts moving, bouncing on Steve's cock with a frantic intensity and the knowledge that this is probably the only time they could have this. Steve holds him just as tightly, the same thought written all over his face as he holds Bucky and kisses words into his skin, and Bucky wants to drown in him. God, he wants to stay like this for eternity, just the two of them wrapped around each other so tightly it's hard to tell where Steve ends and Bucky begins. When Steve comes it's with a sob, and he buries his face in Bucky's neck and cries through his orgasm. When he's done he picks Bucky up like he weighs nothing and carries him into Steve's bedroom, setting him on the bed with a tenderness that Bucky doesn't deserve.

"I love you," Steve says, and covers Bucky's body with his own. Bucky clings to him as Steve slides back into his body, fully hard again, the slide made easier by Steve's come, burning his name into Bucky's walls. 

"I love you too," Bucky says, and grips Steve tight enough to leave bruises in the shape of his fingertips as Steve kisses him and overwhelms his senses.

Hours later, when Bucky's curled against Steve's sleeping body, still covered in sweat and come, he slips from the bed, kisses Steve one last time, and leaves. There are dirty clothes all over his bedroom floor, and Bucky picks up the first sweater and pair of pants he sees, yanking a jacket over the top and shoving his feet into a pair of shoes, before slipping out of the front door, leaving his phone, keys and wallet behind.

Jake's place isn't far, and when Bucky knocks on the door it opens after only a few seconds. Jake seems surprised to see him, but he pulls Bucky inside and kisses him softly.

"What're you doing here so late, baby?" Jake asks softly, his eyes flicking over Bucky's face. "God, what happened?"

"Steve and I had a fight," Bucky manages to say thickly, and the lie burns his throat and sticks to his tongue. "Can I crash here?"

Jake's face darkens at the mention of Steve, but he nods and pulls Bucky deeper into the apartment.

"Of course, baby, you know you're always welcome here," he says, and Bucky feels sick. "You want a shower before?"

Bucky nods, not trusting himself to speak, and allows Jake to lead him into the bathroom. Jake gives him another soft kiss before leaving, and it's only when hot water is crashing down around him that Bucky allows himself to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Am I going to continue this angst-ridden bad decision train? You fucking bet your sweet asses I am
> 
> My [tumblr](https://wayward-lives.tumblr.com)


End file.
